You know when you meet someone and you think, “Man, there’s somethin’ special about that person.” Those were my first thoughts when I met my friend, Lauren. She’s beautiful, kind, super funny, warm, and vulnerably honest. We have the privilege of mentoring high school girls together, and recently, we’ve been chatting recently about the new year. She’s stepped into a beautiful place of submission and trust that couldn’t not be shared.
In Lauren’s words:
Of all the people who make New Years resolutions, only 8% of people actually follow through with their resolution. I am such a 92%er. I’ve attempted numerous diets, workout plans, devotionals. To no avail. I never want to watch the Bachelor. Truly, I never do. My track history of New Years resolutions will show a willing heart, yet a broken mind set. A weak resolve.
So I had to ask myself why. Why can’t I stick to a New Year goal? Why do I give up so easily? How do I get distracted from the vision the Lord has given me? Why are the Bachelors always so darn cute? Oh that must be why…
But in all seriousness, I know there is a problem. I have problems. There it is y’all, I admit it. Cat’s out of the bag, no one has to wonder anymore. I struggle, I am a fool, I am prideful, and I yearn for love. Whenever I am feeling lost, hurting, or living in a cycle of sin, my friend Carly always reminds me to look at what spiritual truth I am not believing. For me, that spiritual truth is that of trust.
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
This verse. This verse is the issue for me. I want so badly to completely surrender my worries and doubts to God, but a part of me will always struggle to let go of control.
Even after a season of seeing the Lord by my side through failures, heartbreak, and family illness there is a very human portion of my soul that’s like “Mmhmm Jesus you can have this, and this, but HELLS no are you touching this.”
We all do it. For some it may be finances, for others relationships. Regardless of what IT is, there is something everyone feels they can deal with based on his or her own understanding. Out of fear, we hold on to IT.
Why do I guard IT from a most High, yet intimate God? Because I truly don’t know Him as well as I could. Think of your best friend. Why do they get that status? Because his or her character has proven true circumstance after circumstance. If I truly knew and allowed myself to experience the character of Jesus, I would be able to trust Him.
And the paradox of being in a relationship with Jesus is that He is the main event, the main attraction. Yet, He works from backstage. Well I don’t know about you, but I don’t pay the big bucks to see the production team of Wicked do their best. I wanna see Idina Menzel! I don’t want to see back up dancers, I want to see Justin Timberlake bring sexy back…and then bring it back again!
The beauty of Jesus is that He doesn’t demand our attention or adoration. Like the production crew, He is doing work in our lives behind the scenes. Dependable. Vital. The character of Jesus proves He is a friend to put our faith in. He is the crew member that keeps the show running, often without receiving flowers at the end of a performance.
But enough is enough. I’m done with clenching my desires to my chest. I’m done with worrying about my future. I’m done with questioning my worth.
I WILL TRUST THE LORD WITH ALL MY HEART. I intend to fall in love with the set designer. I will be led by sure hands. I will be open to the One who wants the best not just good.
So in my journey to better know the character of the Lord, I’ve started with a 60 Day Challenge on my knees. I will physically take this submissive posture as a reminder of whose understanding I will be looking to. On my knees, I will surrender and TRUST in the Sovereign King. I will delight in the fact that I don’t have to have things figured out. I will breathe easy knowing I am offered a relationship with Christ. Loving, TRUSTWORTHY, Christ.
2015 will be a different year! The curse of failed New Years resolutions will dissolve this year. All I need is some knee pads…