Kindergarten Quips

FullSizeRender_1It’s been a day. Actually, it has been three days. Three full days of Kindergarten. And so far, we have mastered: the bus stop. It has been a little bit of an adjustment, actually, it hasn’t “has been” anything. We are still adjusting and getting used to the routine and the folders and the homework and all of the things. It still feels awkward and busy and like an uphill climb. But today especially has just been one of “those days.” And I realize it is Day 3. However.

Whoever invented common core math should have maybe TAUGHT THE PARENTS how do it first. Whatever I spent 18 years learning when it comes to math exists no more. New math vocab: some kind of malarkey that includes counters and cubes and I don’t know what. What happened to 1+1=2? Parents of littles, be warned, and perhaps start practicing now. I’m not even kidding you, I had to “phone a friend” to be sure we were doing KINDERGARTEN MATH correctly. Thank you common core math inventor for making a momma feel smart, smart, smart.

Speaking of homework, I’ve also realized that homework will for sure be one of the topics my child discusses with her future therapist. Maybe because it’s 7:24pm and we are just walking in the door because there has been school and work and a PTA meeting and curriculum night and we still have a million things to do. And because we haven’t had snack or bath or book or Bible or prayers or song and 8:00 is 36 minutes away. And maybe because I’m tired and she’s tired and COMMON CORE MATH, but homework turns me into a CRAZY PERSON. We will for sure need an intervention if either of us is going to survive the next 13 years.

Additionally. When I went to school, we had a lunch ticket and a lunch line, and when we didn’t like what they had on the menu, we brought our lunch. But for the most part, we went through the lunch line, got served the instant mashed potatoes with turkey and gravy, the canned green beans, an ice cream scoop of fruit cocktail, some white bread and a little carton of 2% milk, unless it was Friday, when we got chocolate.

Not at the “new kindergarten.” No lunch ticket. No lunch line. The children must bring their own lunch every day. And while I’d prefer to pack my daughter’s lunch most days, tonight, I’m tired. And I don’t want to make another PB&J. I want to give her a lunch ticket for the lunch line. So now that I think about it, back in the day, lunch lines were really for tired moms, I’m pretty sure.

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And another thing. Come to find out, the same is true at school as it is in life: There is an app for that. I have two new apps on my phone that I now check almost as regularly as Facebook and email and Instagram. Amazing. I get this little notification that tells me exactly when my child did something great or not so great, and it even has corresponding emojis. Kids don’t stand a chance these days. Not only do I know what my kiddo did, I know the exact time it happened, and I can text the teacher immediately. #raisingkidsinatechnologyworld

Teachers and administrators: I give you props. You have hard jobs. I can barely keep up with one student in KINDERGARTEN, I don’t know how you manage classrooms full of them. Praying people: Pray for me, and actually, pray for my child. We are both experiencing a “growth edge” with this homework business, and so far, I think she’s got a better handle on it than I do.

And finally. I’m sorry Mr. Common Core Inventor, unlike the man who put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop, I’m not quite ready to shake your hand.


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